{{NSFW}}
So, let me give you some background information on myself. I am a 65-year old-virgin, 4'11", quite big downthere and currently live in Downtown Nashville, Tennesee and I have ginger/brown hair. I have been an avid gamer since I was 5 with games such as tic-tac-toe, chess and also headache. See, I'm a gamer. See?!
This story happened when my son was browsing Pornhub, he saw an advertisement for Brazzers and found and advertisement for "FREE GAMES! FULL FREE GAMES!" so obviously, he carried on watching porn. With his sticky, jizz-covered fingers, he clicked on the advertisement. There were games on there like "HunieCam" and "Barry's Mod". However, that caught his eye, "Hotline Miami 2.exe" When he clicked to download it, angels sang out, Chuck Norris descended from heaven and Mia Khalifa, his favourite pornstar, kicked down his door, fully nude with her mouth wide open ready for a "yummy yummy". This was a good discision. A very good discision. He downloaded the game and then his computer ate itself from the inside out. Then, it transformed into a laptop. (This is where I come into it). He ran downstairs to me, sitting there watching "TV" and slapping my belly, don't ask why.
He showed me his camputor that became a laptop, as he calls it, and there is was in big, blood-covered, jizz-covered letters in the times new roman font the words "HOTLINE MIAMI 2.EXE". It was a pretty spooky game. It was that spooky, my son had to ring for the ambulance and get me taken to hospital. My son was sat there in front of me with his laptop playing that game. He looked up from his laptop and said, "Oh my god, dad, you're alive! Welp, I'm gonna go get some coffee now. ''Don't ''touch my laptop! K thanks." And so he left. And then I went on his laptop. I hit play and then it began.
It started with a VHS startup noise. A man with a chicken mask told me that, "You're touching your son's cum basically." Gross! But, he gave me a mission, "Kill Obama".
I started off as a character wearing a decapitated chicken's head. My character ran towards a car and died. I replayed it as a character wearing a decapitated chicken't head and ran behind a wall. People in white suits shot at me. And then my character got shot and killed. The screen became brown and shut off. It turned out, that was burning hot coffee on the screen. "I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH IT!!" My son bellowed,
"Well, I'm sorry! But, when a spooky game gives me a heart attack, I need to play it." I know, it doesn't make sense.
Then, the laptop wouldn't work. Not anymore. Nope, it's dead. More dead than I'll be in a few years. But then, it powered back on. Woooh!
I played more, and got up some blood covered stairs. There was jizz all over the floor after I killed the people in the white suits. Ooh.
On the second floor, there were people with dildos in their hands pointing them at me when I got up. Oh.
Then, the screen became red. A deep, burgundy red. I was dead. The screen was black after that and my character was stood there, blood stains all around him. He walked towards another character. My son. "Hello, dad." His pixel eyes looked at me. Then, suddenly, somebody else walked towards my character, Ron Swanson. "Hello, Eric." That's my name,
"Ron!"
"Yes, please sprea- I mean send this game to everyone!" It's Ron Swanson, I've got to do what he says, he's Ron Swanson. "Do it, NOW!"
My pacemaker controled the laptop and sent it to everyone on my son's email. His friends, my dealer, Mia Khalifa, Chuck Norris, Chris Hanson. All of them And then, I fell unconcious. And woke up, my hands down my pants with Ron saying in the same text, "Thank you!" And so he dissapeared. Forever.